January 21, 2010


So as you may know I have three sisters who I miss DEARLY! I usually talk about the oldest one the most, because she actually responds to my emails. (Take note little ones!), but I recently got this email from my 22 year old sister who is living in Chicago about a date she went on. In the email below, T is my sister.

Warning- It's a bit long, has a small bit of foul language, and there's one bit of TMI but it's worth the read. SO funny!

"So I've been meaning to tell you about my very first adult date last Saturday. Now, don't get all excited because this was not your typical date where both parties are interested and both parties are trying to have more dates after. This was one of those dates where I didn't have the heart to say no, the attraction was very one-sided and I am trying not to see him again. Ever.

Now this boy named Mike (vegetarian, environmental junkie... much more on that later) is a friend of Baxter's friend, who was here visiting for a couple of days... We all went out on Tuesday night and I started to get a little drunk and started talking to Mike who just happened to be sitting next to me. We started talking about food, and then he started ripping off all these fantastic buzz words like... "Green city market, fresh local food, brunch, bike ride, cookies..." In my drunken state, I must have sounded really jazzed and so he suggested going on a "Saturday day adventure." Being the yes-man that I am, I replied, "YES yes, totally that sounds awesome. Let's do it. I love food and bikes."

I didn't hear from him for the next couple of days so I thought I was off the hook, but friday night rolled around and I got a text from Mike asking me to ride my bike over at 11am to meet him at his apartment. In my naive little head, I thought, "Oh nice a new friend, this might be fun." When I told George about it he said, "T you're a f#$ing idiot. This is a date. He likes you this is clearly a date."

Since I didn't have the heart to say no, I jumped on my bike and headed over thinking, "This is going to be weird. Ugh I hate myself. What am I doing?" 1. I was right... it was weird. but 2. I did not expect him to be so f@#$ing weird.

First thing he says to me when I arrive, "Hey T, sorry but we can't use the front door, you'll see why in a second." We walk around to the back of his 1BR apartment and as I walk through the small kitchen there is an intricate ropes course running through every room of his house.... He has an indoor clothesline running throughout his house. Something similar to this....
To get from one room to another I had to limbo underneath his boxers and briefs gahhhhhhh. I couldn't hide the dumbfounded look I had on my face so without hesitation he answered..."I'm on a zero waste challenge. I'm trying not to produce any waste so that means washing my clothes by hand and drying them throughout the house." I didn't know what to say so I giggled, said Cool and excused myself to the bathroom.

I happened to be on my purrriod that day so I was looking to change my tampon before sitting down to homemade brunch. As I start to take care of my lady business, I realize that this f@#$ing weirdo doesn't have any trashcans in his apartment because he is zero waste! So I stood in there for about 2 minutes deciding between pushing his old plumbing to the limits and flushing all my tampon things or wrapping everything up in like 2 feet of toilet paper and pursing it for a trashcan later on.... Then I thought, "Ew I'm gross. Used tampon in my purse?! Screw his toilet. If he wants to be zero waste than he'll suffer the consequences of a clogged toilet." I've never been so nervous flushing a toilet before, but thank god everything went down.

I walked back out and brunch was pretty much ready to go... He made a pretty big feast of omelettes, morrocan potatoes, and sweet corn pancakes. I was so pumped to dig in... as I started to cut into the omelette he stopped me and said, "T, do you mind if I say a blessing?" I thought sure why not he must be religious... that's cool. I guess. He reached across the table grabbed my hands and started his blessing with... "I would just like to thank mother earth...." I'm sorry what?! Mother Earth!??!?! HAAAAAAAA. I wish I had video recording capabilities... and I wish I could put it up on youtube for you.

Anyway.... I have learned my lesson. I have learned the power of NO. I am definitely not seeing him again.
I mean I should have known it wasn't going to work... he is a vegetarian tree hugger. And prior to meeting him on Saturday... I had panda express orange chicken take out in a styrofoam container. We were f@#$ed from the beginning."


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